My mother has passed on. She is with the Lord now. In His timing we all must abide. But I am selfish. I don't want her with the Lord. I want her with me. Forgive me for that desire Lord.
I have called my Mother a saint among angels. Now she truly is.
To anyone who is reading this... if you were her friend. She loved you. She knew so many. Her friends from Church, her friends from her job, her friends from high school. She knew you all, each and every one. Many of your children she watched grow up. Many of your children she baked wedding cakes for. Every cookie, every cake, every part was done with the deep desire of love for the person she did it for. The joy she received in the smiles, the happiness, the laughter was what kept her going in darkest days.
My mother had a long and difficult life. She lost her sister, her brother when she was young. She lost a daughter when she was younger than I. She lost a husband who she would have died for but who's love of the bottle forced him out of her life. She Cared for her mother and aunt and uncle while working a full time job and had to sadly bury them too. But through all that and so much more many never knew she remained who she was. My mother, saint among angels. That she was so special after dealing with so much is something I will forever be in awe of.
It was more than cookies and cakes. She cared she loved and she wanted those around her to know the love and caring of her heart and her faith in God. She would give you a place to rest your head, answer any call as long as she was awake, take care of people who needed taking care of. This world needs millions of women like her.
She was all I had. And all I wanted was for the last part of her life to be filled with happiness, joy, and peace. I wanted to take her on that once in a life time vacation she never went on. I wanted her to know how special she was to TRULY know. I wanted so much for her because she gave so much.
I try to take comfort tonight that she is with her mom, her sister, her daughter. I try to think of her tears of seeing them again. I try to think of that happiness. I try to imagine the joy of God saying "well done my good and faithful servant."
I am happy she has that now.
But God please forgive me. I miss my mother. I miss my only family. Please don't ask me not to ache for her now she is gone after 45 years of my life. Please forgive me for wanting her here tonight and not with You. I pray in time the ache will shift... that i can be better. But tonight.... I want her with me. Please Forgive me Lord.
When Mother was taken to the hospital I sent her phone with her. I never dreamed this would happen. So those of you who have not heard from me please know its simply because I do not have your number till i get the phone back. I will talk to you all. Every one. She would want that. And I do too. I will never be her, never be as good, kind, gracious, or gentle as her. That is a peak i know I cannot rise to. Its just too high. But that doesn't mean I will not try my best to keep her legacy of kindness and love going as best I can.
This will not be the last post. I will give updates and information here when i can. It is the best way to reach everyone.
But tonight... or whenever you read this you can all do something. Go to your Daughters, your Sons, Go to your husbands and wives. Go to your dad or your mom. Go to them. Hold them tell them you love them. Tell them to remember that hug those words. We don't like to think about the day when those we love will not be there. It comes for us all. God said no one knows their day or hour. I didn't know today was my mom's time. I told her i loved her every day, i did my best to always tell her how special she was to me. But it doesn't feel close to enough now. So hug that loved one and remember my mom because you know she would have hugged you and yours. Hug those loved ones for me now since I can't hug her anymore.
Blessing and love to all of you. I will need your prayers and your help in the coming days. As i know I cannot walk this path alone. She wouldn't want me to anyway. Thank you for loving her. Please love her always. It will be her legacy.